the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well I just put wine in my tea
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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