last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
