the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
