I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
