found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
