omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
