No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
