I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
