We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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