I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
