you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
