apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
