Pappa wants mamma naked
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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