I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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