She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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