and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
