He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
