Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
