your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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