You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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