She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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