She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
