my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
