AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
