My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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