He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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