the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Hippo gnu deer
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
