He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
