I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
