17 year olds will be the death of me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
