New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
