it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
