For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
