I'm gonna have a badass scar
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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