Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
