I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
