everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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