You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
