Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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