Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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