So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
