Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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