she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
