your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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