i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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