I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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