I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
