Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
