I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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