i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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