is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
