I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
