you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
