He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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