My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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