Sponge bath it is.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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