the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
