I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
