dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
