And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
