she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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