Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
