Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
