There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
