I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
