Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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