her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
