New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm too high and old for this...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
