I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
