Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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